2018 is the year of the dog. I own a dog. I was forced to buy a big one, at my wife`s insistence, when I acquired a stalker. Something that was neither as glamorous, or flattering, as it might sound. When the “gifts” left at the house started to be accompanied by veiled death threats towards my spouse. When the children swore they heard footsteps outside the bathroom window, in the dark.

My life is now as “scheduled” by the dog`s routine, as it is by those of my kids. Feeding him. Grooming him. Walking him. Hiding stuff he might be inclined to destroy. Clearing up the stuff he has found and destroyed.

The dog has no mirror. In his mind he looks like this:

When in reality he weighs 40 kilos and fells small children with a wag of his tail.

The Beatles – Hey Bulldog

The Stooges – I Wanna Be Your Dog

The Dirtbombs – Underdog

David Bowie – Diamond Dogs

Led Zeppelin – Black Dog

Little Esther – Hound Dog

Rolling Stones – Walking The Dog

Annette Funicello – Jo Jo The Dog Faced Boy

Sandy Gaye – Watch the Dog That Brings the Bone

George Clinton – Atomic Dog

Cat Stevens – Was Dog A Doughnut?

Manfred Mann’s Earth Band – Pluto the Dog

Pet Shop Boys – I Want A Dog

Tom Waits – Rain Dogs

The Cramps – Can Your Pussy Do The Dog?

Kate Bush – Hounds of Love 

“You take my shoes off, and throw them in the lake, and I`ll be two steps on the water.”

Happy New Year!!!