This one`s from a little later, but still, perhaps 17, 18, years ago…

Two friends had hired a castle in Wales to host their nuptials. He was another University mate, while his bride was a pal of my wife’s. She actually been the one to introduce them. We all duly decamped for the weekend. We`d had our first son by then. The Lizard and I were booked to DJ, and everyone that I knew there, bar the couple`s parents, were seasoned, pretty serious ravers / caners. So me and my partner in so many crimes, adventures and misadventures, packed a box of classics, and didn’t think twice. Everything we had, we thought was a sure fire winner, dance-floor dynamite. But come the reception, which was held in the basement (dungeon ?) no one but no one was boogie-ing. Instead they all lined the walls. 

For hours we hammered away. You probably know what it`s like when you’ve got no audience response. I’m guessing that everyone must have experienced it at least once. You try this, then you try that, then this again. Confidence plummeting. The smiles on our faces long gone. 

Now the castle, like a lot of these fancy venues you can hire had their own wedding DJ. While he was told that his services weren’t required, he turned up anyway to keep an eye on the equipment and gear. So the whole time he was sat behind us, arms folded, which obviously didn’t help.

After what felt like forever, he said something like “You boys mind if I have a shot?” We clearly weren’t winning, so we stepped aside. Then he cued up Kool & The Gang and the place just erupted. The Lizard and I, disgraced knights of the turntables, nobly accepted defeat. 

There’s a footnote to this one as well. Some 12, 13, years later I was invited to a wedding in Tokyo*. They didn’t have a DJ, but a band. The bride had secretly been taking drum lessons. She’d been planning a surprise for her groom. The signal was given, and she, still wrapped in layers of frilly white taffeta, took over the drummer`s seat. On the count of “Ichi, ni, san!” the bride launched into her song. I bet you can guess what it was. 

*This was actually the nicest wedding that I’ve ever attended.